I don't care anymore!!!!!!

Wooooo!!!!!!! At least I don't think I do.... right now I definitely don't!

Let me fill you all in a bit... For whatever reason I seem to be incredibly blessed, and somewhat cursed in the friends department. My BEST friends are amazing! They fly and drive all over the country (continent I should say) to see me and spend time with me. They are amazing. Even the ones that I don't see for a while, whenever we do meet up it's like no time has passed at all and everything is wonderful. I am so lucky to have these people in my life and I hope that I'm being the type of friend that deserves them.

The others... well... I don't even know that I would call them friends anymore. Sure we're "friends" on facebook... but I haven't talked to some of these "friends" in many, many months. And it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried texting, e-mailing, calling, you name it... no response. For months. Until they need something. Then it's "heeeey, we haven't talked in soooo long!! I miss you sooooooo much!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!" Oh really? Huh. That's odd... because when I miss someone, I pick up the phone and call them. Weird. I don't deserve that. No one does. This scenario has been going on for... years... with one particular person. Poor Andrew has heard me say over and over again "I'm DONE with ___" and then a month later I miss her and call her. It used to hurt a lot when that person would come to the same city as me, be four blocks away, and not tell me until she was leaving. But after like the fifth time of that it started to be more of an annoyance than a pain. I do have to give this person props though. She was there for me and very encouraging during a very...trying... time in my life about a yeah and a half ago. But as I started to come to terms with that time, she started backing off again. I have not talked to this person since sometime in November. I don't know when I will talk to her again. Unless something tragic happens, I will not be the one who initiates contact. I'm actually pretty proud of this. It's so hard of me to let go of people that I care about. I just really don't like doing it.

I wish I could say that this is the only person in my life like that. While not to that degree, she's not the only one. I don't understand how people can be like that. But we're all unique so I can't understand every thing everyone does.

Back to the title of this post. Today I looked at some people's facebook profiles and that used to bother me. I would see people post on their walls things like "it was sooo good catching up last night, let's chat again soon" and get upset by that. It upset me to see that while people professed to care about me, and miss me, and wanted to catch up, they just didn't have time for me...but they did for others. When I looked at the four people's profiles that evoked these feelings the most, I felt nothing. Really, nothing. And it was AWESOME!!! Don't get me wrong, I wish nothing but the best for these people... I just don't care about what they mean to my life. And my oh my what a sweet feeling not caring can be!!